Preparing For Marriage
Marriage is one of the most important decisions a person can make. It is not simply about finding someone you are attracted to, having a beautiful wedding, or finally having someone to call your husband or wife. Marriage is a lifelong journey of companionship, responsibility, sacrifice, spiritual growth, and service to God.
If you meet a Christian brother or sister you admire, do not rush into a relationship simply because your emotions are strong. Take time to know the person, seek God, observe character, and allow wisdom to guide your decision.
So, before you start thinking seriously about marriage, here are ten important things you need to consider.
1. DOES YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE ALIGN WITH EACH OTHER?
Have you ever considered that every person has something God has entrusted to them? You do not have to be a pastor or stand behind a pulpit before you can have a God-given purpose. God may give one person a burden for evangelism, another for children, another for the elderly, another for teaching, another for helping the poor, and another for advocating sexual purity.
Therefore, when considering marriage, it is important to understand the purpose and direction of the person you intend to marry.
For example, perhaps her burden is to advocate for sexual purity while your major burden is ministering to elderly people. There is nothing wrong with having different areas of service, but both of you must understand that marriage does not automatically cancel the individual assignment God has given either person.
- A wife is called to support her husband, but she also has a relationship with God and responsibilities in His kingdom.
- Likewise, a husband should support his wife as she walks in the purpose God has given her.
If both of you have similar purposes, learn how to work together in unity. If your purposes are different, learn how to respect and support one another rather than competing for attention.
The important question is not simply, "Do I love this person?" Ask yourself, "Can we walk together while faithfully serving God?"
Amos 3:3 says, "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"
2. ARE YOU BOTH PRAYER COMPATIBLE?
Before you seriously consider marriage, examine your prayer life and spiritual commitment.
This does not mean that everyone must pray for exactly two hours or one hour every day to qualify for marriage. Spiritual maturity cannot be measured simply by the number of hours someone spends praying. What matters is whether you genuinely maintain a consistent relationship with God and whether prayer is an important part of your life.
Marriage comes with responsibilities, decisions, challenges, and seasons that require wisdom. A couple who knows how to seek God together will have an important foundation for facing those seasons.
- Remember that Adam had a relationship with God before Eve came into his life. His relationship with God was not supposed to begin after marriage.
- Prayer should therefore not be something you suddenly become interested in because you want to marry. Build your relationship with God now.
If difficulties arise in your future family, you should be able to seek God rather than depending entirely on human wisdom. Learn when to pray, how to pray, how to listen, and how to submit your decisions to God.
A prayerful person is not necessarily someone who prays the longest. A prayerful person is someone who has learned to depend on God.
3. SEEK GOD'S DIRECTION BEFORE MARRIAGE
Marriage should not be entered into carelessly. You need wisdom, prayer, and godly counsel before making such a major decision.
Develop intimacy with God before you begin searching desperately for a spouse. The closer you walk with Him, the more your decisions should be influenced by His Word, character, and wisdom.
Some people expect God to give them dramatic dreams, visions, or audible instructions concerning every relationship decision. However, Christians should also remember that God's guidance is not limited to supernatural experiences. Scripture, wisdom, godly counsel, character, circumstances, and prayer can all help a believer make wise decisions.
Therefore, do not make the mistake of thinking that you must hear an audible voice saying, "This is your wife" or "This is your husband" before you can make a responsible decision. At the same time, do not ignore God while choosing a spouse.
If your relationship with God is weak, marriage will not automatically make it stronger. In fact, marriage can expose weaknesses that were already present.
Psalm 51:8 says, "Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hath broken may rejoice."
The point is simple: before you enter marriage, allow God to work on you. Let Him correct you, teach you, humble you, and shape your character. You need a spiritual check-up before entering a lifelong covenant.
4. DO NOT BE DESPERATE TO GET MARRIED
Desperation has caused many people to enter relationships they were not prepared for.
- Some people desperately want marriage because they believe marriage will automatically make life better.
- Others are constantly consuming relationship and marriage content while neglecting other areas of their spiritual development.
Marriage is good, but marriage is not God.
Do not allow your desire for a husband or wife to become stronger than your desire for God. You should be able to say, "Lord, I want marriage, but I do not want marriage at the expense of my relationship with You."
If you are rushing because you are afraid of getting older, because your friends are already married, because your family is pressuring you, or because you simply hate being single, stop and examine your heart. Learn to wait.
Job 13:15 says, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him."
Your relationship with God must remain more important than your relationship status.
5. DO NOT SEE MARRIAGE AS A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEMS
Marriage is not an escape route.
- Do not marry simply because you want someone to take care of you financially.
- Do not marry because you are tired of living with your parents.
- Do not marry because everyone around you is getting married.
- Do not marry because you believe a spouse will automatically solve your emotional or personal struggles.
- Likewise, a man should not enter marriage believing that marriage will automatically solve his struggles with sexual temptation.
Marriage requires self-control, maturity, communication, patience, and mutual consideration.
- A husband should understand that his wife is a human being with emotions, physical limitations, responsibilities, and needs. There will be seasons when she is tired, sick, pregnant, recovering from childbirth, caring for children, or simply emotionally exhausted. Love means learning to understand her rather than treating marriage as an entitlement.
- Likewise, a wife should understand that her husband also has emotional, physical, and psychological needs.
Marriage is about mutual love and consideration, not selfish demands.
Galatians 5:22–23 identifies self-control as part of the fruit of the Spirit. A person who refuses to develop self-control before marriage should not assume that marriage itself will produce maturity. If you cannot control yourself before marriage, marriage does not automatically remove the need for self-control.
6. YOU MUST BE COMMITTED TO SERVING GOD
Marriage should not become the graveyard of your spiritual life.
If you are already serving God before marriage, do not assume that marriage means you must abandon everything you once valued. Instead, learn how to build a family that supports your commitment to God.
Marriage can become a beautiful partnership in ministry when two people understand that their home also belongs to God. You may desire to raise children who love God, influence your community, win souls, encourage believers, or serve in different areas of ministry. Whatever your calling may be, do not allow marriage to completely replace your relationship with God.
At the same time, remember that serving God does not mean neglecting your spouse and children. Your family is also a responsibility God has entrusted to you.
Marriage is not merely about a wedding dress or a wedding night. It is about building a life together, growing together, serving together, and honoring God together.
Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it."
And for those considering a spouse who has a past, remember that someone's past should not automatically make them unworthy of love or marriage. People can genuinely repent, change, and grow. Character and present faithfulness matter.
7. LEARN TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER'S NEEDS
Before marriage, learn to understand the person you intend to marry. Do not assume that every man thinks the same way or every woman has the same emotional needs. People are different.
- What many men value: Deeply value respect, encouragement, appreciation, and a peaceful environment.
- What many women value: Deeply value attention, affection, communication, reassurance, and emotional connection.
(Note: These are not universal rigid rules, but they are important areas couples should discuss rather than simply assume.)
Learn your partner's personality, strengths, weaknesses, dreams, fears, expectations, and communication style.
- For men: Learn how to listen to the woman you hope to marry. If she is struggling, do not always respond with, "It is well." Sometimes she needs you to listen carefully and understand what she is actually saying.
- For ladies: Learn how to encourage the man you intend to marry. Give him room to think, plan, and pursue his responsibilities, while still maintaining healthy communication.
Friendship is an important foundation for marriage.
8. DO NOT RUSH INTO MARRIAGE
Before proposing to someone, take time to know them.
Do not build an entire marriage expectation around the first few weeks or months of attraction. Attraction can introduce you to someone, but character is discovered with time. Become friends. Talk about important matters. Discuss finances, faith, family expectations, children, career, ministry, boundaries, communication, and responsibilities.
Observe how the person behaves when they are angry, disappointed, corrected, inconvenienced, or under pressure. Do not only observe how someone behaves when everything is going well. A person may appear wonderful when they are trying to impress you, but time reveals character.
- For ladies: Understand that men also need encouragement and healthy personal space. Constant calls and pressure can sometimes become overwhelming. Learn to communicate without controlling.
- For men: Do not use the excuse of "giving her space" to avoid meaningful communication. If she tells you something is wrong, listen. Ask questions. Be present.
Marriage requires two people who are willing to understand each other.
9. LOVE AND HONOUR YOUR PARENTS
Before getting married, learn how to value your parents and family. As your parents grow older, they may need your attention, companionship, and support. Do not become so consumed with your relationship that you completely forget those who raised you.
At the same time, marriage requires healthy boundaries. Loving your parents does not mean allowing them to control every decision in your marriage. Remember that your future in-laws are also human beings who deserve respect.
Learning to honour parents, communicate respectfully, and handle family relationships wisely can prepare you for many situations that will arise after marriage.
Ephesians 6:2 says, "Honour thy father and mother."
10. KNOW YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES IN THE HOME
Marriage is not a contract for one person to become another person's servant. A husband and wife may have different responsibilities, but both should be willing to serve one another.
- For example, a husband should not say, "I will never cook, sweep, wash clothes, clean, or help with the children because those things are women's responsibilities." A wife is not a maid.
- Imagine a woman returning from work exhausted, immediately entering the kitchen, preparing food, washing clothes, caring for the children, and handling other household responsibilities while her husband sits comfortably watching football and complains that the food is not ready. That is not healthy companionship.
A responsible husband should be willing to help when his wife is overwhelmed. Likewise, a wife should also be willing to support her husband when he needs help.
Sometimes one person will carry more responsibility because of circumstances, work schedules, pregnancy, illness, or other demands. Marriage requires flexibility.
Galatians 6:2 says, "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ."
If you cannot humble yourself enough to serve your spouse, you need to examine your understanding of marriage. Marriage is companionship. Friends help one another.
MARRIAGE IS MORE THAN FINDING "THE ONE"
Many people ask, "How do I know that this person is the one?"
Perhaps a better question is, "Are we both becoming the kind of people who can build a healthy, God-honouring marriage?"
Do not focus only on finding the right person. Also allow God to develop you into the right person. You need character. You need patience. You need self-control. You need wisdom. You need communication skills. You need spiritual maturity. You need the willingness to forgive, serve, listen, sacrifice, and grow.
Marriage will expose parts of your character that dating may not reveal. Therefore, do not rush simply because you have found someone you like.
Take your time. Pray. Seek wise counsel. Observe character. Build friendship. Discuss your expectations. Understand your responsibilities. Most importantly, keep God at the centre.
SOBER REFLECTION
- Before you ask God for a husband or wife, ask Him to prepare you to become one.
- Before you complain that you have not found the right person, ask yourself whether you are becoming the kind of person who can love another person faithfully.
- Before you become desperate for marriage, remember that your identity is not determined by your relationship status.
Marriage is beautiful, but it is also work. It requires two imperfect people who are willing to keep learning, forgiving, serving, communicating, and growing.
Do not marry because you are lonely. Do not marry because everyone else is married. Do not marry because you are trying to escape your problems. Marry with wisdom.
And when the time comes, do not enter marriage only thinking about what your spouse will do for you. Ask yourself what you will contribute to the home, the relationship, the family, and the purpose God has entrusted to both of you.
CONCLUSION
Marriage is not simply the beginning of a romantic relationship; it is the beginning of a shared life.
Therefore, before you say "yes," take time to examine your spiritual life, purpose, character, emotional maturity, responsibilities, and understanding of marriage. Do not allow temporary emotions to make permanent decisions for you.
If you desire marriage, pray for wisdom, seek godly counsel, take time to know the person, and allow friendship and character to develop before making a lifelong commitment. Most importantly, never allow your desire for marriage to become greater than your desire for God.
A good marriage is not built by two perfect people. It is built by two people who are willing to submit themselves to God, love one another, grow together, and faithfully carry the responsibilities of the covenant they have entered.
If someone approaches you for marriage but does not understand these things, do not be afraid to slow down and have meaningful conversations with them. Marriage is too important to enter carelessly.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM READY FOR MARRIAGE?
Readiness for marriage is more than reaching a certain age or finding someone you love. Consider your spiritual maturity, emotional stability, ability to communicate, willingness to accept responsibility, financial understanding, capacity for self-control, and readiness to serve another person. You should also be willing to learn and grow rather than expecting marriage to solve your problems.
SHOULD CHRISTIANS WAIT FOR A SUPERNATURAL SIGN BEFORE MARRIAGE?
Christians can pray for God's guidance, but they should not depend exclusively on dreams, visions, or supernatural experiences when choosing a spouse. Scripture, wisdom, character, godly counsel, prayer, compatibility, and careful observation should all be considered. A dramatic experience should never be used to ignore obvious character problems.
SHOULD I MARRY SOMEONE WHO HAS A PAST?
A person's past should be considered honestly, but past mistakes do not automatically mean someone cannot have a transformed future. Genuine repentance, present character, faithfulness, maturity, and evidence of change are important. Christians should remember God's grace while also exercising wisdom when making a lifelong decision.
LASTLY....
If you are preparing for marriage, do not rush.
Build your relationship with God. Build your character. Learn to communicate. Understand responsibility. Learn to serve. Know the person you are considering. Seek wise counsel. And allow time to reveal what emotions may hide.
Marriage is not just about finding someone to love. It is about becoming someone who knows how to love well
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