“What is really happening inside the life of the person standing before us?”
This is one of those stories.
I am sharing this message with a very heavy heart, especially to ministers of God, pastors, bishops, evangelists, choir members, workers, married men and women, and young people who desire to serve God tomorrow.
I am sharing it also with those who are already in ministry and those who are secretly struggling with sexual immorality while publicly appearing strong.
Please, listen to me carefully.
.... If you want to go far with God, flee sexual immorality.
... If you want to enjoy your old age without sitting somewhere surrounded by regrets, flee sexual immorality.
... If you want your children to look back at your life with honour rather than pain, flee sexual immorality.
And if you have already fallen, do not hide. REPENT!! .
Do not wait until your secret becomes public.
Do not wait until your marriage collapses. Do not wait until your ministry is destroyed.
Do not wait until you are lying on a hospital bed, surrounded by people, wishing you had made different decisions when you still had the strength to do so.
THE BISHOP WHO HAD ALMOST EVERYTHING
This was not a young boy who did not understand what he was doing. He was a mature man, already in his late fifties at the time he contacted me. He had a wife and children.
He had built a ministry. He had ministers working under him and pastors connected to his leadership.
He was respected. He travelled across different African countries for programmes. He had influential people around him. There were senators and prominent individuals who knew him. He had properties, connections and resources. From the outside, his life looked like the picture many people dream about when they pray for success in ministry.
But there was a secret behind the public success. He had been involved in adultery. And it was not his first time.
At one point, he told me plainly that his wife did not know. That sentence alone should make anyone who is living a double life tremble. His wife was in their home with their children, trusting her husband, while he was carrying a secret that could destroy the very family he had spent years building.
There were women connected to his ministry with whom he had crossed boundaries. Some of these relationships happened around his travels and ministry engagements.
What may have started as innocent communication, companionship or assistance gradually became something else. And that is how many people fall.
Not every sexual sin begins with someone waking up one morning and deciding, “Today I will destroy my marriage.”
Sometimes it begins with a message. A private conversation. A compliment. A late-night phone call.
A ministry assistant who becomes too emotionally close.
A pastor who starts sharing marital problems with another woman.
A married woman who begins confiding in another man because she feels neglected at home.
A travelling minister who says, “Nothing will happen.”
Then something happens. The boundary moves. The conscience becomes quieter. And eventually, the person who once feared falling begins to manage the fall.
THE PEOPLE WHO COME SECRETLY
Over the years, I, Evang. Paulinus Paul, have had ministers and believers reach out to me privately for counselling concerning sexual immorality.
Some are people you would never suspect. Some occupy respected positions. Some preach to thousands. Some are General Overseers.
Some are pastors, bishops, evangelists and church leaders. Others are ordinary workers whom everybody in church considers committed and trustworthy.
Many do not want their faces known. They prefer telephone calls, text messages and private conversations because they are afraid that someone might discover the battle they are fighting. I have counselled people who were already deep inside adulterous relationships and people who were only a few steps away from destroying their marriages. I have seen some humble themselves, cut off the relationship, seek help, rebuild their spiritual lives and return to genuine fellowship with God.
But I have also seen people become stubborn. They explain. They defend themselves. They blame their spouse. They blame loneliness.
They blame travelling. They blame temptation. They blame the person who seduced them. But eventually, they discover a painful truth:
You cannot continually sow in secret and expect to reap publicly in peace.
The Bible says:
“Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” — Galatians 6:7
Grace is real. Mercy is real. Forgiveness is available. But repentance does not mean that every earthly consequence automatically disappears.
God can forgive a man who committed adultery, but the broken trust in his marriage may still need years to heal. God can forgive a woman who became involved in fornication, but the emotional wounds, pregnancy complications, broken relationships or other consequences may remain.
God can restore a minister spiritually, but he may still need to step away from public ministry for a season and rebuild what has been damaged. This is why wisdom says: Do not play with what can destroy you.
WHEN THE SECRET STARTED FIGHTING BACK
The bishop told me that some of the women eventually began to blackmail him. Think about that. The man who once stood before people with authority was now living in fear of people who knew his secret.
The relationship that once appeared pleasurable had become a chain. This is one of the things sexual immorality does. It promises pleasure but can eventually demand a terrible price.
You think you are controlling the relationship until you discover that the relationship is controlling you. You begin deleting messages.
You hide phone calls. You create passwords. You tell lies. You become nervous when your wife touches your phone. You become uncomfortable when someone mentions the person's name.
You travel and create excuses. You attend church and lift your hands in worship while praying that nobody will discover what you have been doing.
What kind of prison is that? A person may be free physically and imprisoned spiritually, emotionally and psychologically.
THE MINISTRY BEGAN TO DECLINE
When this bishop first reached out to me, he was not contacting me because everything was going well. He had begun noticing that things were changing.
People who had promised to help him were disappointing him. Some relationships were disappearing. Some doors seemed to be closing. He felt that something was wrong with his spiritual life and ministry.
He began asking questions. And eventually, he opened up about the sexual relationships. I counselled him seriously. I encouraged him to repent genuinely, cut off the relationships and deal honestly with the situation instead of continuing to hide. Most importantly, I repeatedly encouraged him to speak to his wife.
But he kept giving reasons. His wife was sick. She had health challenges. He was afraid of what might happen if she discovered the truth. I understood his fear, but fear cannot become an excuse for continuing in deception.
Eventually, he told me that he would speak to her. He was fasting. He was praying. He was asking God for mercy. He even expressed gratitude that God had used the counselling to bring him back to Christ.
That was the part that gave me hope. He was beginning to understand that the greatest issue was not his reputation. It was his soul.
“MY WIFE DOES NOT KNOW”
There is something deeply frightening about those words: “My wife does not know.”
A husband may deceive his wife, but he cannot deceive God.
A wife may hide an affair from her husband, but she cannot hide it from God. A pastor may hide it from his congregation. A bishop may hide it from his ministers. A worker may hide it from the church.
But Heaven sees what the church does not see.
And sometimes, the most dangerous place a believer can reach is the place where he becomes comfortable with being two different people: One person on Sunday, another person in secret.
One person on the altar, another person behind the phone. One person before the congregation, another person when nobody is watching.
Jesus warned against hypocrisy because God is not merely interested in our public appearance. He is interested in the heart.
THE DAY THE STORY ENDED
Earlier this year, the bishop told me that he had returned to Nigeria. But things had become extremely difficult. He was seriously ill and had suffered paralysis affecting his hands and legs.
The man who had travelled around the continent and had once been surrounded by resources was now struggling even with medical expenses.
The man who had people around him was now in a vulnerable condition. The man who once had influence was now asking people for help.
And then came the message I never wanted to receive:
His obituary.
He was dead.
When the news of his death finally reached me, I sat in absolute silence, and a heavy, suffocating weight settled over my chest. I thought about the man he used to be—the voice that had commanded platforms, the hands that had laid blessings upon thousands, the life that had once held so much promise and divine mandate. And then I looked at how it all ended.
To watch a man who once carried such incredible spiritual authority suffer a devastating, humiliating physical collapse—paralyzed in his hands and legs, stripped of his resources, abandoned by the very false sense of security his sin had promised him, and finally breathing his last breath in disgrace—shook me to my core.
It was a graphic, terrifying reminder of what happens when a man makes a covenant with secrecy.
People often think sin is just a private transaction, a hidden mistake that stays neatly tucked away in a bedroom or a hotel room.
They think they can manage it, control it, and keep it from bleeding into the rest of their existence. But compromise is a cancer. It eats away at a man from the inside out. It drains his spiritual vitality, strips him of his mental peace, and eventually demands a settlement from his physical body.
You cannot carry the crushing weight of a double life—the constant paranoia, the fear of exposure, the frantic text deletions, the sleepless nights—without it breaking you down.
His tragic end is a blaring siren, a stark, uncompromising warning to every single one of us. It told me, with terrifying clarity, that the grace we presume upon is not an endless license to sin. We do not have all the time in the world to get our acts together.
Every hidden compromise is a ticking clock, and none of us knows how close we are to midnight.
One day, the phone will stop ringing.
One day, the opportunity to apologise will disappear.
One day, there may be no more chance to call your wife and say, “I am sorry.”
One day, the altar you are standing on today will belong to someone else. One day, somebody will write your obituary.
The question is... What will your life say when you are no longer here to explain it?
THE SWEETNESS OF STOLEN BREAD
The Bible says:
“Stolen waters are sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.” — Proverbs 9:17
That is the deception. Sin can be sweet. That is why people return to it. If sin always tasted bitter at the beginning, many people would never touch it.
The forbidden relationship can feel exciting. The secret message can make someone's heart beat faster. The attention can feel comforting. The compliments can make someone feel desired.
But what begins with excitement can end with tears.
The married pastor who secretly meets a woman may not think about the day his children discover what happened. The married woman who secretly sleeps with another man may not think about the damage that will follow if she becomes pregnant.
The young man committing fornication may not think about the emotional wounds, unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, broken trust or spiritual consequences that may follow.
Sin rarely shows you the full bill before you pay the first instalment.
SOME PEOPLE ARE KILLING THEIR TOMORROW
I have seen situations where married people become sexually involved outside their marriage and then face pregnancies they cannot explain to their spouses. Some have resorted to abortion because they are afraid of being exposed.
Think about the tragedy. A person who is supposed to be protecting a future is now making desperate decisions to hide a secret from the present.
This is why I am pleading with someone reading this... Do not destroy tomorrow because of what feels sweet today.
Your body is not meaningless. Your calling is not meaningless. Your marriage is not meaningless. Your children are not meaningless. Your future is not meaningless.
The Bible says:
“Flee fornication.” — 1 Corinthians 6:18
Notice that Scripture does not say, “Negotiate with it.” It says flee. Joseph did not sit down with Potiphar's wife to prove how spiritually strong he was. He ran.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is leave the place, block the number, end the conversation, change the route, stop the private meeting and remove yourself from the environment where temptation is growing.
MINISTERS, YOUR ALTAR IS NOT A SHIELD AGAINST TEMPTATION
One of the most dangerous assumptions in ministry is believing that because God uses you, you cannot fall. God may use you and still warn you.
You can preach holiness and secretly live in sin. You can cast out demons and still struggle with lust. You can lead prayers and still be emotionally attached to someone who is not your spouse. You can sing beautifully in church and still have a secret life.
You can be called “Daddy,” “Mummy,” “Papa,” “Mama,” “Bishop,” “Pastor,” “Evangelist” or “Apostle” and still need repentance.
The title does not make the heart pure. The microphone does not sanctify the person holding it. The altar does not excuse secret sin. And the congregation's admiration does not replace personal holiness.
It is better to step down from a position temporarily and save your soul than to remain on the altar while your private life is collapsing.
WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOU HAVE ALREADY FALLEN?
If you are reading this and you are already involved in fornication or adultery, please do not close this article in anger. Let it become a mirror.
- First, stop making excuses. Do not blame your spouse, loneliness, or the person who tempted you. Take responsibility before God.
- Second, end the sinful relationship. Do not say, “We are just friends.” If you know the friendship repeatedly pulls you toward sexual sin, cut it off.
- Third, repent genuinely before God. Not merely because you are afraid of being caught, but because you have sinned.
- Fourth, seek mature spiritual accountability. Speak with a trustworthy pastor, counsellor or mature Christian leader who can help you rebuild your spiritual life wisely.
- Fifth, deal honestly with your marriage. This requires wisdom, timing and appropriate pastoral counsel, but deception cannot become a permanent lifestyle.
- Sixth, accept consequences where necessary. If church discipline is required, accept it. If you need to step away from ministry, step away. If your spouse needs time to heal, give them that time. Do not demand instant restoration because you have suddenly become remorseful.
- Finally, rebuild your life practically. Prayer alone is not a substitute for boundaries. Stop meeting privately, change travel arrangements, clean up your phone contacts, and seek professional or pastoral help if dealing with addictions.
PASTORS' WIVES AND HUSBANDS, THIS MESSAGE IS FOR YOU TOO
This warning is not only for men. It is for women. Pastors' wives can fall. Pastors can fall. Choir members can fall. Prayer warriors can fall. Departmental leaders can fall. Young people can fall. Everybody must watch and pray.
Do not think, “Because my husband is a pastor, I am safe.” Do not think, “Because my wife is a church worker, she cannot fall.” Protect your marriage... Talk to each other. Be emotionally available to each other. Set boundaries with the opposite sex. Do not allow ministry to become an excuse for emotional affairs.
Some marriages do not collapse because there was no love at the beginning.
ALSO READ: I Was Wrong — The Rise, FALL And Restoration Of Jim Bakker
They collapse because somebody slowly gave another person the emotional space that belonged to their spouse. Protect what God has given you.
PLEASE, DO NOT WAIT UNTIL THE OBITUARY
The bishop's obituary has remained on my mind. I keep thinking about the man who once had plans. He had a ministry. He had children. He had a wife. He had people who respected him. He had tomorrow.
And then tomorrow became today. Then today became yesterday. And suddenly, there was an obituary.
That is the part that should frighten all of us. Not merely death, but the fact that we do not know how much time we have left to put things right.
Maybe you are reading this in a hotel room. Maybe you are secretly chatting with someone right now.
Maybe your spouse is sleeping beside you while you are communicating with another man or woman. Maybe you are a pastor preparing to preach this Sunday while hiding an adulterous relationship.
Maybe you are a young man telling yourself that you will stop when you get married. Maybe you are a young woman saying, “Nobody will ever know.”
Please stop. Look at your life again:
- Look at your children.
- Look at your calling.
- Look at your marriage.
- Look at your relationship with God.
Then ask yourself:
- Is this secret worth losing my peace for?
- Is this temporary pleasure worth the damage it may cause?
- When my life is over, will I be grateful that I continued this?
IT IS NOT TOO LATE TO COME HOME
If you have fallen, there is still a way back. Do not allow shame to push you deeper into sin. The devil wants you to believe that because you have already fallen, there is no point getting up. That is another lie.
Get up. Cry before God. Confess your sin. Ask for mercy. Submit yourself to godly counsel.
Make necessary restitution. Break ungodly relationships. Rebuild your marriage, your prayer life, and your integrity.
And if you have to leave the pulpit for a season, leave it. It is better to sit down for a season and become whole than to stand before thousands while secretly dying inside.
David cried:
“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” — Psalm 51:10
That should be the cry of anyone who has fallen. Not, “Lord, protect my reputation,” or “Lord, don't let people find out,” but: “Lord, create in me a clean heart.”
A FINAL PLEA
My dear brother. My dear sister. My fellow minister. My fellow worker in the house of God.
Please, do not play with sexual immorality. Do not let a secret relationship destroy years of labour.
Do not let five minutes of pleasure become years of tears. Do not allow a stranger to destroy what you built with your wife.
Do not allow a secret lover to become the reason your children lose respect for you. Do not allow the devil to make you a public minister and a private hypocrite.
And if you have already fallen, come back now.
Come back before the secret becomes a scandal. Come back before the relationship becomes a pregnancy. Come back before your spouse discovers it from someone else. Come back before your children discover it. Come back before your ministry collapses. Come back before the obituary is written.
Because one day, somebody will stand before your grave. People will cry. They will remember your sermons. They will remember your songs. They will remember your ministry. They will remember the miracles you preached about. But you will no longer be able to change the story.
So while you still have breath, change it. While you still have time, repent. While you can still make a phone call, make it. While you can still apologise, apologise. While you can still walk away, walk away. While you can still kneel, kneel. And while there is still mercy, run back to Jesus.
The greatest tragedy is not that a minister falls. The greatest tragedy is that he falls, knows he has fallen, and still refuses to get up.
May God deliver every minister secretly battling sexual immorality. May God deliver every married man and woman living a double life. May God give courage to those who need to confess. May God heal wounded marriages. May God restore those who genuinely repent.
And may the story of this late bishop not merely make us feel sad for a few minutes. May it make us examine our own lives.
Because the real question is not: “What happened to him?”
The real question is: “Lord, what is happening inside me?”
And may our answer to that question bring us to our knees before it is too late.
Amen.
